Day 2: A Serious Attempt

     A few months pass and one night, while lying in bed, I feel an itch on my back. I try to reach it, but can't. I try rubbing against a wall, the edge of the night stand, and door knob. Nothing itched it right. It strikes me then that the last time I had a good back scratch was when I was dating. Maybe it's time I give it another shot. I went over to my computer, typed into the Search Bar "Dating websites", and chose the first option, Geek2Geek.

     Question 1: How tall are you?
                          Five foot, eight inches.

     Question 2: What is your sex?
                         Male

     Question 3: What are you looking for?
                         A female for a long-term relationship, duh!



     Question 4: What is your ethnicity?
                         Hispanic. Still.

The best picture of me.

     Question 5: What is your relationship status?
                         Single...still.


     Then came a blue check page to fill out my interests. Check, check, check, check, check. That seems fine. I click on the "Next" button and an orange check page is presented. It wanted me to indicate what I would like any match of mine to like. I click the same things I like check, check, check, check, check, and a few others that seemed somewhat fun check, check, check. I choose the best picture of me that I have.

     After nearly an hour's worth of work I was ready to look for a match. I searched for single women in a ten mile radius of my actual zip code that were within a two year difference of my age. Four matches appeared, each with clever names. GuitarQT had an attractive name, but a not-so-attracitve picture. She looked like the girl from The Ring holding an acoustic guitar with drawings of butterflies on it. Vampirechick had a name that drew me in a little with sexual innuendo, but she was apparently in an open relationship. Could I really go on a date with a girl that would go home to her boyfriend?...Nope! Animeb4be was probably a normal person underneath all the make up and felt that made her look like a Pokemon character. That was an easy one to skip. Bionerd had a goofy picture of a girl holding a giant plush goose kissing her cheek. That's a funny picture. I clicked on her profile. I knew her from a two years prior when I was in college. She lived on the floor above me and had indeed liked me, but I had turned her down so I could focus on my studies. That's just my hang up. What could it hurt to write to her? I clicked on the turquoise envelope to send her a message.

     Whatever hope I had inside me soon died when the new page popped up with a variety of different pricing options for me to "get dates" for a possible "happy ending". Are you freaking kidding me? I just wasted roughly an hour filling out this profile for it to tell me I have to pay for it? That seems too much like prostitution. Again, I grew angry, but this time I deleted my work. I did not want anyone to know of this foolish attempt
. 

Day 1: Giving it a Shot

     I was listening to my TV one Saturday while trying to draw a tree that I could see from my patio window. The red and orange leaves had caught and held my interest until a poppy piano jingle played. I looked up at the TV. A man on the screen looking like Don Knotts began preaching about how I should join eHarmony, how I could find true happiness if I signed up today. I returned to my drawing when he said, "This weekend is completely free to sign up and meet people." Being a connoisseur of free things, I left my portrait of a dying tree to try to find true happiness.

     The website appeared with blue and white coloring. I clicked on "Sign Up" and it asked me for my sex. Seems simple enough. "Male." What is your zip code? I shrug and consider using my own zip code, but switch it to the zip code of the town just north of where I live in case anyone from work were to find me. It would be more than a little annoying to have the have-you-found-anyone-on-that-website-yet conversation at work.

     Then came the hardest question "What user name do you want?" Hmm. I could use one of my hobbies. I tried the name Cartoonist. It was taken. I tried the name Part-time Guitarist. It too was taken. I figured on making the name a bit more specific. I looked around my room for inspiration and saw my CD collection on top of the bookshelf near my acoustic guitar. I figured the name EelsFan would not be received well, nor would Catch22 or FrequentlyBreaksG-String. I tried the name MusicLover. It was taken. I tried the name HatesRedundancy. Surprisingly, the name was not allowed. I typed in my real name. No, that's too personal. I typed in my brother's name. Nick. If anyone happened to see the profile, I could always explain that my brother and I look alike.
    
     Finally, I reached the home screen of the website. It gave me the option of looking up potential matches or filling out the profile. I decided to look for potential matches. There was KevinsMommy, we had a 20% match rating; followed by Singlemom, who had a 32% match rating with me; and SingleMime, we had a 5% match rating. Below these three matches was a link that read, "Improve your matches". I clicked on it. It gave me the option of adding a picture of myself. Nope! That's not going to happen. I chose another option: Answer These Questions. 

      Question 1: How tall are you?
                          Five foot, eight inches. No, wait. I'm taller with shoes on. Five foot, nine inches.

     Question 2: What is your ethnicity?
                         Hispanic.

     Question 3: What is your relationship status?
                         Single...you asshole.

     Question 4: What is your job?
                         Don't worry about it. Next question.

     Question 5: What is your annual income?
                         Fuck you, I'm done with this!

     I returned to my work of documenting the death of a tree. I guess I'm not ready yet.